Friday, November 23, 2007

thanksgiving 2007

The day started out great. 70 degrees on the short, intense road ride. The Pretzel and Cadence crews went to the Willows and basked in the spring-like weather, especially fortuitous as it had rained for something like 5 days, or so it seemed. I got back to 3434 and raked leaves, scrubbed my patio with chlorine to get rid of the algae which kept appearing on my rug in green dog pawprints, and made the yam casserole for the family dinner. I thought of my mother's hopeful query the other day, when she was telling me what time to arrive on Thanksgiving, asking cheerily if I would be bringing someone to dinner. I paused, wondering why she thought I would be bringing someone to dinner, and then I realized Jackie had told her I was seeing someone. "No mom, just me."

Dinner was delicious, except my nephews were their usual really loud, screaming, exuberant selves, being 3 and 6. I vowed, over their hysterical banter, to call my gynocologist on Monday and get my tubes tied. But after 3 games of hide and seek and lots of kisses and hugs from them I thought maybe I could wait a few more years . . .

The phone rang. I answered it. A voice on the other line paused, took a breath, and said, "Is this Andrea?" Odd, I thought, I had not lived in this house for 6 years, but then I surmised this was an uncle or cousin.

"Yes . . . " The voice spoke slowly and deliberately, but I could not place it.

"Do you know who this is?" Damn, I freaking hate when people do this to me, no I don't know who it is.

"I have no idea."

"Ok", the voice said, speaking even slower, " . . then can I please talk to your mother?"

I handed over the phone, mouthing to her, I have no idea who this is. She took the phone and in a second it was revealed it was my ex-boyfriend of 6 years, the one whose generous heart I had broken, badly. He was dissapointed that I had not known who it was. After a brief chat with her, truncated by the rush to pull the turkey from the oven, my mother handed me back the phone.

So this was it, how perfect, to happen on Thanksgiving. I had wanted to mend fences; I wondered when I would run into him, this person who still maintained a relationship with everyone in my family except me, even after all this time. I figured it was time; he had 3 children now, an established relationship, a new and strange existence from the happy-go-lucky life he onced lived.

So I said hello, and in a rush of words I told him I had hoped to be able to talk to him again, thinking but not saying that his last words to me were so heavy with anger and grief. I told him I was happy for him, that I wished him well; that I was keeping busy racing my bike, hanging out with my dogs, fixing up my house.

He could not get over that I did not recognize his voice. He greeted my casual expressions of goodwill and relief with a practiced iciness. "You should have told me who you were," I scolded, laughing.

"You should have known."

"Rich, I have not spoken to you in like 5 years, and you sound different."

"It's only been 2 and a half years."

And then I knew that he was not quite over it. I had moved on, to the point where I did not even know him anymore, and he was hurt by that. I expressed a desire to catch up with him some day, but I knew this would never be arranged.

I felt that guilt again, which had blossomed into a deep sadness by the time I drove home alone, in the cold that had overtaken the spring-like weather with a howling fury.

I had much to be thankful for this year, and here was one more thing, a bittersweet denouement to a phase in my past which had refused to be quiet, refused to be buried in these hectic, ambitious years.

Monday, November 19, 2007

thanks for the gift that keeps on giving . .

so I could not figure out why both of my computers at home keep on crashing, and the browsers hanging up . . . I knew it was probably spyware, but I am really careful about staying away from that stuff--WTF?

. . . then it hit me. My little tuesday night crew was here last week and just HAD to watch some disgusting video re: girls and a cup. If you have not heard of this phenomenon, consider yourself one of the blissful ignorati. And no, I won't link to it: if you are so curious do a search for it and you can get spyware and probably a trojan too.

I refused to join in the fun last tuesday and watch this infantile piece of viral marketing because I don't like stuff that reminds me that most Americans have been rendered numb from their exposure to everything from obnoxious advertising campaigns, daily news reports of illegal and legal violence and of course a popular media that is obsessed with guns and sex. So the bar has been set so damn LOW you have to make a video that resorts to the most degrading and filthy human practices in order to garner the kind of attention that this little piece of mauvaise culture has. The brilliant part is that there is a whole slew of videos on youtube of people filming their friends reactions to this disgusting exercise in overstimulation. And all the while everyone who views it subjects themselves (or in this case me) to viruses, spyware and trojans.

My little take-home tip: if you are on a website that flashes naked girly pictures, you are pretty much guaranteed to be exposing your computer, your work computer, or the computer of the person who feeds you every tuesday night to some unspeakably bad things, unless your security settings are set so high you would probably not be able to view many websites properly.
I will think about this gift as I spend several hours purging this crap from my registry, thanks boys and girls.

about time

so I have been simply awful about updating recently so allow me to get a little caught up . . .

My party was a smashing success which was good, because it involved a ton of time, money and last-minute stress, mainly since I used it as an excuse to do a whole bunch of things around the house that had been bugging me for a year and I was still doing said things the day of the party, this is not recommended. Apparently the videos have gotten somewhat popular, thanks Woody. (make sure you check out both of them) I actually took some late-night photos as well, enjoy.

I finally got around to reviewing the results for my season, and I ended up doing 21 races, mostly middle of the pack in terms of results : ( Up from zero races in 2006 (torn hamstring) and 8 races in 2005 that was not so bad. I really enjoyed the marathon format, so I will definitely be doing more or those in 2008, although 4-5 hour races really suck the life out of you for a week or so, and Janel and I did talk about doing the 7 Springs 24-hour race as a duo . . . and of course there is always the possibility that I will race some cyclocross next year. (I went to the Gran Prix yesterday and the level of suffering evident on everyone's face was certainly appealing; that and the sub-40 degree temperatures and unrelenting rain made for a perfect day to be a spectator.) I really enjoyed the few road races I did as well, although I think Janel and I desperately need to take a Road Racing 101 before we do anymore of those.

All this sounds OK in November but the next several months with the valentinebaby roll-out and everything else I have heaped on my plate will really determine what is going to happen next year so all bets are off at the moment. My priority is now valentinebaby and 3434 bowman renovations. There, I wrote it down, now I just gotta DO IT.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

la porte rouge

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

--Alexander Graham Bell