Friday, October 26, 2012

please, please don't EVER send me flowers like this. ever.

yes, that's a little red yorkie with devil's horns, a pitchfork, and a collar that reads, "a-dog-able."  
[excuse me while I puke]

So I was down in the kitchen today at work getting my low-carb lunch together when I man came in and asked for my co-worker, who had left for the day.  I said I would sign for the flowers, probably a little miffed that they were not for me....that is until I got a better look at them.

As I was scanning his clipboard and deciphering where to sign my name the deliveryman pointed to the flowers in a voice that was two pitches too high for his stature and said, "Check it out!  it's a little dog."

I handed him back the clipboard and looked at the little red monstrosity with one eyebrow raised suspiciously.  So it was.  A Yorkshire Terrier, perhaps my least favorite dog in the entire universe, fashioned out of carnations, which I always considered a white-trash flower.  How perfect.

I could not wait to get upstairs so I could snap a picture and blast it out to Boss #1, Boss #2, and Sock:
check out the gay flowers Gordon got today.  Yes that's a little gay dog with devils horns and a pitchfork.  I hope he gets laid tonight.

Yes, you see, the intended recipient of this horrid little floral confection was none other than a man, who happens to be a salesman for a commercial flooring company.  Construction, a totally macho industry, and he happens to have a girlfriend who enjoys sending him flowers.  Like every month.  It's bad enough that my co-worker gets more flowers than me, but perhaps the fact that that co-worker is a dude makes it easier to swallow somehow.  Maybe.  Actually the last person who sent me flowers never revealed him or her-self, so it's been a while.  And I had to lacerate my own kidney just to get those!

Of course after I texted this picture to the other office people, and some of the guys in the field, and even a customer or two, I don't think she will be sending anymore old-lady dogs sculpted out of old-lady flowers to Gordo.  He's getting a lot of grief.   And seriously, if the next floral delivery man is not bringing a bunch for yours truly, said flower-bearer might just get a black eye.  I've had it!

Here are the rules: No carnations or red roses.  I prefer orchids anyway.  And honestly if you just can't decide on the flowers I really love dark chocolate with almonds and sea salt.  70% cocoa or higher.  Just in case.

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